How To Deal With A Toxic Boss: Asking For A Raise
Understanding that your workplace is nothing more than a political arena that requires planning and tact is key. This article discusses how to deal with a toxic boss and asking for a raise.
Table of Contents
- ID Their Ego Triggers
- Find Out What They Like & Dislike
- Understand Their Life Goals
- Play The Part
- Insert Your Wants
After so many years in the working world, you’re bound to run into a boss, or two, who just can’t seem to be consistently happy. This is because usually they’re not, although they may be very good at what they do. Herein lies the issue; an unhappy person managing others. So what about when it comes to asking for important things that you may need and deserve on the job, like a raise!? This is where how to deal with a toxic boss comes into play!
I got my first job in 1994, yeah, I know, long ago, but I was very very young, really. They allowed you to work at 4 years of age back then. Just kidding. I was actually 14 years of age and overly excited at the opportunity to earn a steady paycheck. Over the years I worked numerous jobs and experienced some of the best, and worst, managers. Understanding how to work through challenging situations will help you get what you need out of work and thus life.
In this article we are going to discuss my approach and how it has worked for me over the last 20 years of working.
ID Their Ego Triggers
One of my favorite books of all-time is Robert Greene’s ’48 Laws of Power’. The most useful law in my life has been Law 21; “Play a Sucker to Catch a Sucker”. What makes this law so useful is the fact that all our lives we will have to deal with people on one level or another. Understanding that you have a choice to be in control of a given relationship, regardless of your position, will put you in the driver’s seat. A person’s ego is easily their worst enemy. This is because it exaggerates things, and the one thing it loves to exaggerate is SELF. This “self-image” is like a label, and this label needs support to keep it going, and one thing it hates is a THREAT. That feeling, mentally speaking, is equivalent to death itself.
If you’re dealing with a difficult boss, 10 times out of 10, they have an inflated ego. You want to avoid clashing with their ego at all costs. Remember, they directly impact your pay and many other things on the job, so don’t let your ego get tangled up with theirs, it’s a losing battle. Instead, listen closely for things that make them feel proud. Their accomplishments; such as a college degree, a certificate, their travels, and so on.
Take the time to compliment them and ask about their experiences from time to time. You may not care one way or another, but it most definitely will boost their ego and you will become a source of fuel for their sense of pride. In this way you will actually control them. Ego dependency is a huge weakness, leaving you as a representation of “Strength” for their struggling self-image.
Find Out What They Like & Dislike
Taking it a step further, learn specifically what things they like and don’t like. This is your job and it’s quite possible you will spend a good chunk of your life there. It’s not at all a waste of time to make a few notes on what things they may like and dislike. This list will come in handy during Christmas and birthdays, not to mention days such as “National Boss Day”. With a list containing their likes and dislikes, you can also avoid what things not to buy or say.
Understand Their Life Goals
Now that you know their likes and dislikes, see how that aligns with their life goals. For instance, would they like to become a director? Are they interested in traveling to every continent? Maybe they want to go swimming with Great White Sharks… I think you get the picture. Whatever their goal(s) are, you should subtly encourage them. If they want to become a director it might be a good idea to invest in a book that speaks to being a director. If you don’t wish to spend any money you can simply converse with them about how you feel certain strengths they possess suits them well for their goals.
Play The Part
When it comes to being an active participant in your boss’s self-image, you must learn to play the part. By this I mean aligning your actions with their goals. For example, if they want to travel more you can offer up suggestions pertaining to travel such as best places to book certain trips. Another idea would be to find a useful travel page you can subscribe to for emails and when something good pops up you can share it.
The key is to become a useful contributor towards their wants and desires. This will not only make you very useful in their eyes, but damn near indispensable (assuming you aren’t horrible at your job).
Insert Your Wants
At this point you’ve done all the hard work and won over the trust of your leader. As an indispensable part of their team your wants essentially become theirs. As a source of energy for their ego you will automatically receive a certain flexibility that will give you an advantage when it comes to asking for things you want. This is where you can ask for a raise, additional opportunities and more, and most likely receive what you want (or at least a close second).
It’s important to remember that no one owes you anything, and no one is going to give you more money (or anything else) just because you believe you’re entitled to more. If you put in the work you will see the results.
Good luck!
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