10 Signs [You Think] Means Your Partner is Cheating But are NOT 

• Doesn’t Mention or Post You On Social Media  
• Change in Sexual Behavior
• Accuses You of Cheating
• Easily Becomes Angry Towards You
• They Become More Attentive Towards You
• They Become Possessive
• Your Partner Asks Why You Don’t Do More of A Given Thing
• You’re Unable to Reach Them
• Body Language
• A Reduction in Communication

If you lookup “cheating” or “infidelity” online, 100 percent of the articles will focus on validating your fears and suspicions. Of course this doesn’t come as a surprise because the number one goal is to grab your attention and ultimately your money. And while there’s nothing wrong with a little creative marketing, I think it’s important to provide an alternative view to this topic. Reason being that, the fear of cheating is often the real issue. By definition, to obsesses over something is to literally preoccupy your thoughts, feelings and desires in a way that is haunting and abnormal. Therefore, regardless of what someone may or may not be doing, responding in this way will not serve you well in any way, shape or form. 

Before you conclude that you have a Lying Boyfriend, please go over these 10 Signs that most people automatically assign to cheating, but don't necessarily mean it's true.

Understanding why people cheat…

There is always a reason why a person “cheats” in relationships. Infidelity is not some arbitrary notion that proves the world or some horrible person is out to get you. The solution lies with you, no matter how you feel about it. Sure there are people who are heartless and selfish, but that has zero to do with you. When you take the time to understand and embrace the reasons why people cheat, you can be more accountable in your own actions to attract a loving relationship that is absent of infidelity. This also means that you respond to obvious red flags sooner than later and cut your losses. This isn’t to blame anyone as the victim, but it’s important to know that you always have a choice, and ultimately that’s what matters. 

Doesn’t Mention or Post You On Social Media  

If you go back 15 to 20 years, you will hardly find anyone vexed over their name, let alone their picture, being mentioned on social media. In fact, for most people it was just the opposite. That of course isn’t the case in today’s world. The power and reach of social media has changed the way we live in every conceivable way. No longer do you need to actually speak with or keep up with someone to know what they’ve been up to.

Everything is hand delivered. Social media has made quite the splash and whether you like it or not, it’s here to stay.  Relationships have felt their fair share of the social media epidemic. Bringing with it new ways to obsess over loved ones and create tension within relationships. I had someone close to me reach out not too long ago and ask if I felt his girlfriend was hiding something because she never posted him on her Instagram story or page. I asked him for more information and come to find out she carried with her a policy that she would keep her personal relationship private until it was permanent. He also mentioned that she had liked another guy’s page and this was not like her. I then provided him an assignment which was pretty simple. I instructed him to sit down with her and express his concerns in a calm non accusatory way. The next time we spoke he reported that the person’s page she liked was an old friend from high school. She even went as far as calling him on the phone while they were together. He was also able to learn that she felt zero sense of security at the time because they had been together for nearly 2 years and he had yet to give her a title. She did not feel comfortable at all posting him for her friends and family to see only to be made to look silly.

Whether or not this situation applies to you doesn’t really matter, the point is that there is always more to the story. Making assumptions about what someone is doing will only stress you out and put undo strain on an otherwise healthy situation. If you feel that something is off, think of what you might be doing to contribute to the situation. Once you’ve done that honestly approach them in a respectful and calm manner and express your concerns. 

Change in Sexual Behavior

This is another very common situation that people automatically assign to cheating. While it can very well signal malice behavior, more times than not it doesn’t. This is where communication is vital, and by communication I mean open and honest communication. Sex in a relationship is not a one size fit all type of thing. You should have a pretty good idea, if you’ve honestly communicated with your partner, what sex means in your situation. The best approach is to simply ask, and when you ask don’t do so in an accusatory way. 



Maybe your partner is disappointment in your lack of will in this department, or perhaps they are going through certain physical changes that they’re uncomfortable discussing. You can’t know unless you ask. Make sure that you are open and vulnerable. When dealing in sexual energy, this will go a long way. Assure them that you are there to listen, not judge, and your ask is because you care and want them to be happy and satisfied. If there is truly something wrong this will give them an opportunity to confess and from there you will either grow together or move apart. Either way the situation will be understood and a path forward established. 

Accuses You of Cheating

Whenever this is mentioned a sign of cheating, the belief is that if someone else is doing something wrong then they’re going to assume you are too. Sure, this could be the case, but almost always it’s something a lot more innocent, although problematic. Research shows that over 60% of women and 90% of men suffer from jealousy in relationships. It doesn’t matter how happy or unhappy the pair might be. The fear of infidelity is something that most humans live with.

Fortunately many outgrow it once a solid sense of security is established, but often times it lingers because the jealous party knows that they are not, or feel that they can’t, live up to a certain expectation. This expectation can be one held by the greater society or their significant other. 

Based on the research, it’s much more common for someone to simply be insecure (not unfaithful) when accusing their partner of cheating. Again, the best approach is to open up to your partner with a conversation. Let them know how you feel and why you feel that way. If the other person loves and respects you they will provide feedback and or make the needed adjustments to help. Ultimately, though, you will need to settle your insecurities within, and this can be challenging. Especially if it’s something you’ve lived with your entire life, which is usually the case. 

I’ve taken the time to put together a guide to assist you work through your insecurities, through a process called “Inner Child Work”. This of course is a product of eastern philosophy but I urge you to try it. It has truly made a difference in my life as well as many of my life coaching clients over the years. 

Easily Becomes Angry Towards You

When I hear this as an indicator that someone may be cheating, there are probably one hundred other things that jump out ahead of infidelity in my mind. Firstly, maybe you simply pissed your partner off. I’m not saying this is okay but it’s easier than we realize to become completely absorbed in ourselves to the point of not realizing the impact we have on other people. There has to be at least one or two conversations you can think back on where he or she complained, directly or indirectly, about something you do that doesn’t exactly flatter them. Maybe this is what it will take to finally get through to you. The best option is to ask. Like with anything else, ask in a way that is inviting and non-accusatory. Times like this require a teamwork like approach, not divisive antics. Give it a shot and see what happens!

They Become More Attentive Towards You

There are many reasons your partner may begin showing you an increased amount of attention. I wouldn’t jump the gun and blame it on guilt they are feeling because they stepped out on you. It could be a conversation they had with a friend, or a situation someone close to them is going through that caused them to realize how good they have it. We could go on and on. If you feel that their behavior is just too different to be a coincidence, you could say;

“I want you to know that you are truly appreciated and I can’t help but notice your radiant energy lately. It’s amazing! I’d love to hear more about what it is so I can be my best self in helping to maintain it…” 

You can remix that however you choose, the point is that you want to both encourage the behavior and at the same time better understand it. 9 times out of 10 you will gain the clarity you need. Use the momentum to grow together rather than apart. 

They Become Possessive

In today’s world jealously is rampant, and each day social media, along with other media outlets, do their fair share feeding into it. It’s quite easy for a person to be tilted in that direction if it’s something they’ve struggled with for their entire life. No one who carries possessive traits will promote them early on, because they could never find and keep a partner. It might be 6 months to a few years before you really ever notice, but when you do, look out! 

There could be a number of things that could trigger dormant possessive behaviors. A new job, new friends, a new car and so on. An honest discussion that is open and nonjudgmental can help get things moving in the right direction. This will provide you the opportunity to investigate what triggered it and how you both can move forward in a more productive way. This is another childhood boogie monster that sticks with us, and the best way of truly dealing with it is through Inner Child Work. See the free download.

Your Partner Asks Why You Don’t Do More of A Given Thing

Usually when this happens it’s for one of two reasons. The first is you did in fact stop doing something that you once did fairly often. When establishing a relationship, never forget the things you did to allow it to flourish in the first place. There was a reason he or she appreciated it and decided to move forward in the relationship. 

The second is that they are in fact comparing you to a situation outside of your relationship. However, this more times than not has absolutely nothing to do with cheating. We are presented with things day in and day out, through the internet, work buddies, family and the list goes on. If your partner does ask this question, try not to get upset, but instead seek to understand. Ask them to explain further with a promise that you will most certainly work on it. …And most importantly, WORK ON IT. 

You’re Unable to Reach Them

Not being able to reach someone is subjective. Depending on who you speak to that could mean within an hour, all day, or overnight. You must also take into account what someone is doing, and whether or not this behavior is typical or something completely out of the blue. If for whatever reason your partner goes missing overnight, only to return the next day, then you’d better have a stern and honest conversation about exactly what happened and what is going to happen next depending upon how they respond. If they truly did nothing wrong you will know, we usually do. 

It is important to remember that you always have a choice in the matter. If someone in your life doesn’t respect your commitment enough to do right by you then cut your ties and leave. Just know that innocent things do happen that at first glance don’t appear that way. For instance, people fall asleep all the time, on a Friday or Saturday night without notice. I for one do it quite often. As a man in a committed relationship who doesn’t cheat on my partner (AT ALL), I will tell you that sometimes falling asleep for hours under extreme exhaustion, even without contacting my partner, does happen.   

Body Language

Let’s say your partner reacts a certain way when it comes to their phone, this could most definitely mean that they’re hiding something. Police officers, for instance, are trained to pick up on certain body language to determine whether or not someone might be protecting something illegal. Of course this doesn’t always mean that someone is guilty of something, often times is just nervousness. If your partner displays signs that they are trying to protect a secret, first check yourself to ensure you are not coming across as overbearing, of which could definitely cause some discomfort depending on the individual. Be patient and pay attention to that person’s behavior over time. This will allow for a more comfortable environment that is easier to read and digest. Maybe there is something they don’t want you to see on their phone. It could be their bank statement or credit score. Who knows.  

Often times it’s just a matter of your partner fearing your overreaction to something that is completely harmless. There are a number of reasons why it can come across this way, and honestly most of them are ultimately innocent. If you get to a point where it continues to bother you, simply express how you feel. You don’t need to ask to see their phone, but rather let them know how it from your side. I will say that if in a committed situation there shouldn’t be anything you fear your partner seeing, although there may be something they may have questions about, like a text from a goofy friend who can’t help but crack dirty jokes. 

A nonjudgmental and calm conversation will allow them the opportunity to respond openly. From there you can make your decision as to how you would like to move forward. 

A Reduction in Communication

Last but not least is how often your partner communicates with you. This is another very subjective area that requires a lot more than surface level assumptions to understand. Firstly, after a few months you should have a pretty good idea what a person’s habits look like, not to mention their temperament and mood fluctuations. If your partner takes on a new job or returns to school, or anything else essentially new to your relationship, it’s very likely that it will impact things in this way. The important thing is not to assume the worst and assert your support rather than further stress them. When the time is right, perhaps during a weekend over a glass of wine, ask how their new job, or whatever the situation, is impacting them. Give them the floor and hear them out.  

In conclusion, you are the one who ultimately determines what happens within your relationship. No matter what you’re facing, you will always have the following three options to guide you;

1. Accept the situation
2. Address it
3. or.... Remove yourself 

…Anything else is insanity. Good luck!

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